Monthly Archives: March 2016

4 signs he has no intentions of marrying you

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One of my friends recently updated her profile picture. It was a picture of herself… Alone. Without Steven. Where was the picture of her and him? They have been in a relationship for 8 years!!! I decide to creep; I click on her profile to see no existence of Steven. No sign of their relationship. How do you erase 8 years of your life like that?! Maybe you can on social media but it’s much harder to erase them from your heart. I have a love/hate relationship with these scenarios; part of me is like “aha, I was right” because I somehow can see these things coming but then the harsh reality sets in and I’m extremely sad. Heartbreak is never something to be happy about. I normally brush these off and move forward but this is like the 5th relationship I’ve seen severed within the past month! I can’t help but wonder if I’m the only one that sees this. I wonder if these girls see the warning signs but choose to look the other way. I know I’ve done that. Emotional attachment is one of the strongest forces I’ve felt. I hope you’ll keep this post around when you are in a relationship. Not as 100% factual but as something to consider when you are struggling with a current relationship, current feelings.

  1. You aren’t visible. When I’m with him, I don’t see you. And this is manifested in several different ways. He doesn’t really talk about you. It’s hard to know whether or not he is even in a relationship. He doesn’t do his best to include you in his events. Social media has made this a little difficult, as well, because some people are more private with their relationship than others. But I’ll be honest, I don’t normally post much about a guy unless I’m ready to commit. You want someone who is proud of you. Someone who wants to show you off. Be sure you don’t make excuses for him.
  2. Marriage talk is taboo. He doesn’t like it when you mention marriage and insists on just enjoying the moment now. He doesn’t like to commit to any long term plans. Moving in together is not a step in the right direction either. One of my friends was ecstatic that she and her boyfriend were finally moving in together after ten years- she thought it was a step in the right direction but he was only trying to appease her a little longer which leads to the third sign…
  3. He appeases you. He will get creative to keep you calm. I like to call these “shut up” gifts; things to keep you quiet for awhile. He is basically going through the motions but his heart isn’t really in it. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and he likes you, but just not enough. You want a guy who will think about you constantly and buy you things and do things for you simply because he wants to. Because he knows how happy it’ll make you.
  4. He is easily distracted. Basically, he is interested in other people. You have to be on the lookout for this one. I remember being out one night with a group of friends and I started talking to this one guy who seemed rather flirty. I realized he had a girlfriend when she walked over! There is a fine line between being friendly and outgoing versus being flirty and interested in others.

These signs aren’t rocket science but it takes a lot for a man not to string a woman a long and a woman to know when to let go.

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Cheating doesn’t shock us anymore, faithfulness does

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I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed this morning and an article jumped out at me “… Husband got a sext from their nanny- and his response is perfect!” I was intrigued. As I started reading, it was what you’d expect- nanny waits until wife is away to deceptively try to come onto the husband. The husband told her no and fired her. That’s it. Talk about anti-climatic. Nothing exciting, nothing crazy. The husband simply didn’t sleep with the nanny.

Is this really what our society has come to? Are we glorifying and praising people for actually keeping their commitments? Are we living in a culture where wedding vows have simply become good intentions rather than faithful promises?

I think it was Chris Rock who said in one of his stand-up acts “men are only as faithful as their options.” What does this even mean? I think it goes back the belief that people are inherently bad. And by bad, I mean that given the right circumstances, we will do what’s best for us. And this idea of care, love, and integrity come into play if it’s convenient. But we don’t like to talk about that. And we certainly don’t want to admit it. But it’s there. Dig deep enough, analyze a little more and you’ll see it. Your natural tendency is to look out for number one.

Relativism seems to have latched onto our society today. This idea of “your truth” and “my truth” has slowly pushed away the notion of any absolute truth. And then we wonder why we reward what should be expected behavior. We question why there is so much pain, so many trust issues, so many broken relationships. When will we say enough is enough? When will we start taking ownership over our actions? People have become so consumed with wanting to do what they want to do, that in an attempt to justify our actions we have blurred the lines of right and wrong while losing any sense of consistency in our actions, respect for others, and peace in our lives.

But there’s still a few of you out there. Those that desire more. Where Christ has laid the foundation of your life and everything you do is built on that. You offer hope. You welcome faith. You welcome trust. Your actions stem from who God is rather that how you feel. Where your faithfulness lies not in your options but in your relationship with Christ. And because of this you offer a consistency that comforts us in ways we sometimes fail to recognize. Where temptation may still come but you have the realization of the destruction your actions could have on others, on your soul. But even if you didn’t know, even if you thought no harm would come, you still choose to do what’s right because your love and trust for God is that strong.

And while that type of love seems to be rare these days, people still chase it. Because of this, you have the power to help change this culture.

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