Category Archives: Family

Tithing your time

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I love setting a lot of goals and therefore, new year resolutions stress. me. out. I started to think about the standard ones I typically set- read the entire Bible this year, only listen to Christian music, go to the gym more, eat healthier, write more, read more, and on and on the list goes. But this year I decided to try something a little different. What would happen if I consolidated everything? What if every area of my life could improve if I only changed one thing? I’ve read many scriptures in the Bible about tithing and giving God the first 10%. Scriptures on tithing your time.

I thought about how we are quick (or not) to throw 10% in the offering plate and be on our way. But what if you gave God 10% of your time? Could you do that? Would it be easier or harder than giving monetarily? Regardless, this is what I’ve decided to do. I do spend a lot of time with God but not 10% of 24 hours. If you are like any of my friends or family, you might be thinking that is A LOT of time. It is but not really.

What can you do for 2.4 hours a day?

Bible

Read the Bible. Listen to the Bible. Meditate on God’s Word. Journal about it. I like to sometimes just pick up the Bible and randomly a chapter. I also enjoy picking a book of the Bible and take my time, analyzing verse by verse. One method that has helped me to be more focused and intentional about my reading has been the SOAP method. Basically, you write down a scripture that stood out to you, your observation of the scripture, how it applies to you, and a prayer.

Devotionals

Devotionals can help add a different dynamic but remember they are still man’s words. I like to use them to stir new ideas and think about God’s Words in a different way. A few of my current favorite devotionals include She Reads Truth, Quite Women Co., Max Lucado (several different devotionals), Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young), and Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest).

Christian Books

Just like devotionals, books offer another perspective and have a way of grouping themes for better comprehension. You can also read about specific things you want to focus on. Worry, fear, relationships, giving, leadership, goals, you name it. I always like to use the fish method that one of my friends told me about. With fish, you eat the meat and throw out the bones. With books, you take the good and throw out the bad. A few of the books on my list include You and Me by Francis Chan (I love his books!), The Four Loves and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and Live Love Lead by Brian Houston.

Sermons

I love listening to podcasts on some of my favorite pastors and teachers. In addition to a couple ones locally, some of my favorites include Andy Stanley, Charles Stanley, Ben Stuart, Matt Chandler, Francis Chan, Joyce Meyer, and Joel Osteen. I am not saying each of these people are perfect but I enjoy the scriptures, teaching, and focus each one of them provides.

Music

Worship music is my favorite. And there are some really great Christian bands out there that help you focus more on God and less on worldly things. Some of my favorite bands include Hillsong, Swithfoot, Kutless, and Everyday Sunday.

Community

Lastly, there are things you can do that involve other people. Church will be one of them and probably the only thing I’ll do consistently. But other ideas include bible studies and small groups.

These are some things I’ll be doing this year. If you have any suggestions for books, music, devotionals, and/or sermons I’d love to hear them. My goal is to spend at least 2.4 hours a day focused intentionally on God. While at the gym. Early in the morning. Before I go to bed. On my lunch break. While driving. The point is- if I am intentional, I know I can do this. Whatever your goals are for 2016, I pray you find your purpose and the motivation to be all God created you to be!

Happy New Year!

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Single but not alone

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I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile now but life has a way of creeping in and stealing ALL my motivation. However, I think this weekend is the perfect time to get these feelings out. Around this same time last year, I wrote a post entitled “4 months, 4 holidays, 4 ever alone” It’s funny how things can change over the course of a year. I remember thinking last year how crappy it is to be alone during four of my favorite holidays, two of which are very romantic, in my opinion. I was also sick last year during Thanksgiving so it’s possible that contributed to my sulking, as well:p.

I feel like God has been ridding me of anyone and anything lately. I’m not the type of girl who always has to be in a relationship but I am the type who always has to have a potential. A prospect. Someone that could be “the one.” This year is different though. I wish I could put into words how I feel. For the first time, in a long time, there is no one. And it’s a strange feeling. I keep getting these reminders, these quotes, these scriptures. Reminders there is something bigger than my future husband. It seems so silly when you write it or say it out loud. But isn’t that how we live? Pinterest boards. “Dear future husband” letters. Going out. Staying in. Dating sites. If we were honest with ourselves, if we took a good long look at our lives, I think we’d be surprised how much of our time, how much of our lives are centered around a person we have yet to meet.

It’s funny how we hold onto to the hope of at least one. Because then our hope is justified. At least there is a possibility. I’ve lived a majority of my life like that. “Well, if it really comes down to it, I could always marry <insert name-of-guy-who-has-been-friend-zoned here>.” Why do we do that? Because the unknown is terrifying. We like to plan, we want to feel we are in control of our lives. So we make up stories in our heads to comfort ourselves. Sounds crazy when you write it down but it’s scary how true it is.

But this year, I have no one. No one as a back-up. No guy I could make it work with. No guy worth settling for. I’ve let go of them all. I don’t think my circumstances have changed too much. I think I’m just better at accepting reality. Actually not just accepting but embracing reality. Coming to terms with what I really want and desire most. I’ve seen a lot of relationships and marriages that have made me appreciate my singleness more. I think all too often we take our singleness for granted, as if its sole goal is to search for someone. But this time has allowed me to grow closer in my relationship with God. I’m reminded of when Paul is talking to the Corinthians about having an undivided heart. And I now understand. There is such a peace and freedom just in having Christ. I never feel “alone.” God’s love has filled me in ways I can’t begin to describe.

Sometimes I miss the good morning and good night texts. I miss knowing there is a guy thinking about me. I miss not having a date to certain functions. Instead I get awkward conversations. I’ve gotten everything from the “don’t worry, he’s out there” to “enjoy it” with the look of ‘I’m miserable in my marriage so please enjoy your singleness for the both of us.’ So many people say singleness is a gift but it doesn’t feel that way when you desire to be loved and have kids. I know it’s hard at times. And sometimes you start to lose faith, start to lose hope because you can’t see. You can’t see your future with anyone you know. So it freaks you out. You start to doubt and start to wonder if you’ll be forever alone. But do you know what hope and faith mean? They reach beyond what we can see and they trust. They trust God. And it is in those moments I’m reminded of the things I love. Things that make me not miss it all. Do I still hope to someday get married? Absolutely. But hope is not hope if you have a plan of how to make it happen. Hope is waiting for the unseen, the unknown, with excitement because you know that whatever God has planned for you is far greater than you could ever plan for yourself. Hope is letting go and trusting in something greater than you. There is no need to justify being single because while you may be single, you are certainly not alone.

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Taking a break or breaking up

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Breaks breaks breaks. There are many types. Your partner is off in the military and you are forced to take a break, one person isn’t sure of the relationship and requests a break, the actual break-up, and the break needed after the break-up. Whew. That’s exhausting just talking about it. But I’m only going to make two points in this post:

Taking a break? Break-up.

If you or the other person feels the need to take a break, the relationship is probably already over. You don’t take a break from your family. You don’t stop being a parent, a sibling, a son, or a daughter for a period of time. You don’t take a break to decide if you still want to be a part of the family. You may get mad but you know you’ll always be related. And in that, there is a sense of security. Commitment regardless.

What makes a relationship so amazing, so stable, and so secure is knowing that no matter what, you and the other person will never leave. Taking a break pulls that level of trust from right underneath you. You aren’t yourself. You wonder if you are good enough. You wonder if this will happen again. If you are not willing to work through it with your partner, it already shows where your real desire lies. When you really love someone, when you really know that you are with the person you want to spend forever with, you’ll fight. And this isn’t fighting.

I think this happens a lot with couples that haven’t first figured out who they are on their own and they get frustrated. Unfortunately, their partner is the one who ends up suffering. Don’t look for your identity in another. You can’t. And it can cost you a good relationship down the road if you think you can.

In short, there’s no sense in being in a relationship if one person already wants out.

Breaking up? Take a break.

And if you do break-up, take a break. I don’t care if you feel like you don’t need one or you both agreed to be friends, take a break. There are too many emotions that are still so raw. You have to learn to be single again. Otherwise, one or both of you are going to hold onto the hope of the relationship. Not necessarily because you love each other, but because you don’t know how to function on your own anymore. That’s dependency. That’s comfort. That’s safety. But it isn’t love. The only time I’ve seen people be able to be friends directly after a break-up is if both people never really cared about one another in the first place.

I think this is one of the hardest, yet best things you can do for yourself. You miss the daily texts, you miss the venting sessions, and you miss the sharing of corny jokes and dumb articles. It’s like you have to retrain your body. And it’s funny how you’ll think of any and every excuse to try to talk to your ex. “I know they had an important test today, I just want to say good luck.” “Their mom had to go to the hospital, I should probably make sure she’s okay.” Anything and everything in between.

Don’t prolong your pain and don’t cause pain for someone else. Be honest. And communicate. Our hearts and emotions are a tricky thing. I’ve seen myself hold onto someone I knew I didn’t care about simply because I wanted to feel loved. But being loved and feeling loved are two different things. You can’t move forward if you don’t let go of the past. It’s amazing to see what God does to your heart as you trust Him and do the best you can.

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The wedding gift I wish I didn’t have to give

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One of my friends recently got married and shared some of the rawest and realist words I’ve heard in a long time. Most people won’t have the courage to admit these things. We like to pretend our lives are fine. We like to pretend the choices we make don’t really have an impact on others. Oh how we wish our past was only our past. But it’s not. And the choices you are making today will have an effect on those around you, including your future spouse. Here’s Ashley’s story:

My whole dating life had been long-term relationships that lead me to my marriage. My first was when I was 14, the boy was 18, and we dated for one year. Then he went to college and I haven’t spoke to him since. I remember thanking God that I didn’t give him my virginity because that relationship sent me into my next very bitter. When I was maybe 16, I was neck deep in a relationship with a boy a year older than me. I had a group of friends that encouraged sexual deviance, encouraged experimentation, encouraged partying and after a while I gave into that temptation. I tried things I’ve to this day never admitted to because I remember thanking God that I was alive because I’ve seen people die from less. And after we lost our virginities to each other I felt so emotionally naked that we broke up two weeks later. That’s the first time I sat dissecting every inch of me wondering what was wrong with me.

It wasn’t long until I started dating the nearest male who called me pretty because I didn’t believe it at that point. I remember thanking God for Kody. Kody was 24 and I was 17. I vividly remember thanking God for a man, a man that treated me so well. I grew so scary dependent on him. He was my everything. I stopped partying. I stopped cheerleading. I stopped playing tennis. I stopped student government. I stopped anything that took time away from time I spent with him. Kody died a week shy of our one year anniversary. I don’t remember much except praying at his funeral, praying that “God please be real, please have him” because it was the first time I was scared of where my choices would lead me. I moved out of the state because my dad was terrified I was going to kill myself. I didn’t walk at my graduation because I didn’t leave my bedroom for a month. I didn’t take my final exams, I only passed because my school board felt bad.

When I moved to Florida, I met this boy who acted so innocent and sweet that I fell in “love” with him three minutes into conversation. Three years later I have a restraining order and ongoing court appearances that was left behind during that mentally and physically abusive on & off again relationship that was mostly secretive anyway. I used to pray to God everyday that he would stop. And the worst part is I had been saved in that time. In that time I was lying to my church, my accountability partners, my friends, my family… Everyone. I was lying to myself. I still lied even after we broke up and told people he was great and we just didn’t work out. I was so shamed. I am still shamed but I am no longer afraid of persecution from people who know the truth. Now that you know my past, I hope when I advise you guys to take matters of the heart seriously, you will. Because these soul ties I created, these men have pieces of me I can’t erase, and I can’t have them back. These are men in which my HUSBAND has to share me with spiritually. There are damaged parts of my heart that my husband is dealing with, damage he didn’t create. I can’t express how important it is to guard your heart.

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Tinder Sam and more fam!

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Is that even possible?! For those of you that have been following along, you remember my boy Sam (Sam requested to have his named changed to Zak to coincide with Ben Folds’ Zak & Sara song, how cute). But we are already in too deep with “Sam.” You can read about our times together in the previous posts (here & here) but one thing that definitely stood out with Sam was meeting his whole family on our first date. I think I loved the “So how did you guys meet?” questions the best.

Sam came down recently (aka a few months ago- sorry, I’m a bit behind on these types of posts;) and we were able to hang out some. Though slightly awkward. I, unfortunately/fortunately, had started talking to a new guy right before his visit so it created a little tension between us. Hey, in my defense he was going to bring down a date! Okay, not really- but it was going to be someone that liked him who would help out with all the nieces and nephews. Who knows. Regardless, she didn’t come and I didn’t bring my guy. It just would have been too awkward all around. [Sidenote, new guy and I decided to just remain friends].

Our normal outings are typically held in St. Augustine but this time it was Daytona Beach. It was Stan’s 94th birthday party. 94! Stan is a family friend that is pretty much family. Sam, his grandma, Stan, Sam’s two sisters, sister-in-law, more nieces and nephews than I could count, his mom, dad, and I think that is all. That’s who was there this time. And me. Of course I fit right in. I think Sam’s grandma likes me more than she likes him. Amongst screaming kids, great BBQ, and amazing homemade cake from granny (I’m pretty much family, I can call her that), all I can say is I hope to be like Stan one day. He was so active- wanting to help, loving everything and everyone. It’s always such a joy being around people like him.

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After the party, Sam and I decided to go to the boardwalk since neither of us had ever really been. I drove us since he rode with his family there. Big mistake. We almost just decided to go somewhere else. Parking was the worst in my truck. Awful. Sam is a little passive aggressive in that he won’t tell me what to do until after I didn’t do something and then lets me know what he would have done (now that it’s too late). Thanks. Sam was firmly upset my truck did not fit in certain spots and disliked the fact I did not feel comfortable parking in sketch situations. Then he got mad and said I yelled at him. I can neither confirm nor deny what I did. I ended up driving into a bar parking lot that had spots and we discussed the parking situation for a good 10 minutes. I saw other people parking there and walking to the boardwalk so I told him we should just do that. He thought it would be too obvious what we were doing since we had been sitting in their parking lot awkwardly doing nothing. During this time, a guy in an orange vest came out of the bar to start selling spots. Great. I thought we would be okay since we were already there but I was still nervous. We decided to ask permission from the guy. Well Sam did. I like that about him. He has a manly, take charge, side to him that makes me feel safe. For someone who is somewhat bossy, it’s nice to relax every now and then and let somewhat else take charge;)

BeachcollageWe walked around the boardwalk as Sam complained about the rides and the prices. Sam was too cheap to buy me water, which was free. I know right. Okay he wasn’t that bad, he just didn’t want to stand in line to wait for it even though I was soooo thirsty! On top of this, he was texting his “girlfriend” and making fun of my guy interest with side comments. I remember passing by some people who were passing out Christian tracks, asking people if they were saved. Normally I will pass on by, let them know I am saved, or say something to the effect of I like what they are doing. Sam, however, stopped. He engaged in conversation with them, made them feel valued, and encouraged them. Among all of our play fighting and jokes, it was nice to see this side of Sam. He inspired me more than he knows.
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We ended up stop at a place for drinks while watching a concert that happened to be in the amphitheater that night. We talked about a lot of stuff. I remember asking Sam if he thought we’d still hang out like this once he got a girlfriend. Without hesitation, he said we better. I guess I didn’t realize how scarred I have been from lost friendships with some of my guys. I’m not expecting things to stay the same and I’d never want to come before a guy’s girlfriend but it’s somewhat sad that there’s this underlying theme in society that guys and girls can’t just be friends. It was reassuring to hear Sam say that to me. It made me realize he valued our friendship. Me. Beyond wanting me, if that makes sense. A lot of guys have stopped talking to me once they realized I wasn’t interested in dating. While I understand to a degree, it doesn’t hurt any less. So I try not to get too attached.

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I ended up driving Sam back to the condos where all of his family was staying. It was pretty late and I was hungry. Per usual. Sam made me steak and then gave me ice cream. I didn’t even have to ask. He knows what makes me happy. I hope he’s planning another trip soon because I’m starting to get hungry again.

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I’ve been around people like Josh Duggar my whole life

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The one thing that breaks my heart is watching people walk away from the faith or be turned off by it because of people like Josh Duggar. And what I mean by people like Josh Duggar are people that profess to be something when their actions tell a different story. In short, people who claim to be Christians yet their actions are anything but Christ-like. Do not define Christ by these “Christians.” Do not define Christianity by hypocrites. You can’t. Yet that’s exactly what the media is trying to do.

Stop blaming Christianity for “bad” “Christians.” Please note the quotes. Read the Bible for yourself. In its entirety. It’s the greatest love story ever told. I left the church for about a year when I was younger because of so-called Christians in the church. One of my best friends has been turned off by Christianity because two Christians he considered friends treated him worse than his secular friends. This is a problem. It’s a problem I am constantly trying to fight. Unfortunately, I believe I’ll be fighting it for the rest of my life but the flesh and the sinful nature are to blame for bad choices, not Christianity.

Just because someone says they are a Christian it doesn’t mean they are one. I don’t know if Josh Duggar is a Christian or not. I don’t know his heart. But I do know he claims to be one and I do know his actions have not been that of a Christian. I think I would be married by now if all the men that professed to be saved actually loved Christ the way they say they do. But that’s simply not the case. And I’m not surprised by this. The Bible talks about it. “Many are called, few are chosen” (Matthew 22:14) “Narrow is the path to life, broad is the path to destruction” (Matthew 7:13-14). Many people who claim to be Christian, simply are not. End of story.

Christ’s love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace are never an excuse to sin. Never. One of the best things about Christ is that He loves us so much, even knowing how much we’ve messed up. We’ve all been born with a selfish nature- to look out for ourselves first and foremost. But Christ, when we accept Him, He changes our hearts. The problem I have with the “Josh Duggars” of today, is it appears repentance never precludes this “forgiveness” they speak of. Repentance means you are not only sorry for what you’ve done, but you turn and follow down a different path. Christ forgives us and then tells us to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Sin doesn’t mix well with you anymore. It’s not who you are. It’s rare if you do sin. But no one wants to talk about that. It’s easier to say we will sin again. I’m not saying Christians are perfect and I’m not saying they will never mess up but Christians don’t sin over and over again like this either (1 John 3:9). There is growth. There is change. There is conviction. And the truth is, I see more professed Christians excusing sin rather than fighting it. That’s a problem.

Purity is not some unreachable unrealistic myth, no matter how much the media and society try to make us believe otherwise. I don’t know how Josh Duggar was really raised. We see a limited glimpse into his life. But I will say this, problems can arise when people do not have the proper understanding or respect for what God’s Word says. Everything in the Bible was written for our benefit. And when you start to read the book through that lens rather than a book of cans and cannots, you begin to see the heart of Christ. Instead of reading “If you teach nothing but abstinence, girls get pregnant and contract STD’s” in the headlines, what if we taught abstinence appropriately? What if we were allowed to discuss the emotional turmoil of the hook-up culture freely rather than stating “there is nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage between two enthusiastically consenting adults?” I’m sorry, but there is nothing healthy about that. Nothing. And it’s sad, weak, and a cop out to say that Josh Duggar’s problem could have been solved through more exploration when he was younger. You don’t attempt to solve a problem with another problem.

Your upbringing is not a valid excuse for anything. I read that the way Josh was raised is what led to his criminal behavior. I’m sorry, but do we not have free will? Do we not have the ability to make our own choices? It’s this type of mindset that leads to people not taking responsibility for their own actions. We were all dealt different hands but the cool thing I’ve noticed is that God’s wonderful grace fills in the gaps. It is tragic if Josh was taught the rules and laws of God without seeing Christ’s love for him. But at the end of the day, we all have our own choices to make. And if we take the time to really search for the right answers, I am certain we will find them (Jeremiah 29:13). I just pray we all take ownership over our own lives, stop looking to others, and discover God’s amazing plan for ourselves.

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Your words left scars I didn’t know existed

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I went to get my nails done the other day. Per usual, I was eavesdropping. I’m just curious, not nosy… Most of the time:p Anyway, here is the conversation I overheard between a stylist and a client:

Client: Wow, you look nice today.
Stylist: Aww thanks, I’m glad someone thinks so… I came down the stairs today and my husband was like “I hate it when you wear those long dresses.”
Client: Oh, wow.
Stylist: Yea, he isn’t the best with word choices sometimes… I want to get a boob job so I’ve been looking at pictures. I showed him some before and after pics of other jobs and how great they were. He said, “Yea, yours used to look like that.”

My eyes got bugged like one of my favorite emojis as I mouthed to the lady doing my nails that I would never be with someone like that. But then it hit me. I was with someone like that before. And I thought it was okay. I made excuses because I didn’t know any better. It’s funny how we are so quick to judge from the outside looking in, but when it’s your life on the line, we justify certain actions. Certain words.

I was never good enough for Jake and something was always wrong with the way I did things. “Why do you open your mouth in pictures?” “Can’t you smile normally?” “Your bangs make you look like you’re 12.” I could go on but I won’t. I don’t think I really understood the effects back then because there were compliments to balance it out. But it did affect me. I changed my smile in pictures. I grew my bangs out. I subconsciously tried to become “good enough.” I wanted to feel accepted, valued, worthy. I knew I was pretty so I thought I would just need to tweak some things. But it never got better. And we eventually fell apart.

I thought I had healed from it until recently. Derek and I were out shopping and he asked me if I always had bangs. The thoughts in my head within those split seconds went crazy. “He thinks my bangs are ugly.” “He wants me to get rid of them.” “He thinks I’m ugly.” “He’s too good looking for me.” Whoaaa. Calm down, Sarah. All those comments from Jake flooded back. When I paused for a second, Derek told me he loved my bangs and thought I looked great with them. Wow.

I learned a few things:

Be careful who you are around and don’t allow any negativity to take root in your heart.

Be who you are and do what you like. If someone doesn’t like you for it, they didn’t like you anyway. If someone really likes you, it won’t matter.

Don’t make excuses for people. I put up with it because I didn’t know better. Never again. Wait for someone that will appreciate everything about you.

Watch your own words.

 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21

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And this is why you date

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This is what Regina said to me at work today. It’s still hard to wrap my brain around, so fresh, so new, and I’m still hurting. I’m crying as I type this; I never used to cry when I was younger, but I guess that is what God does to you. He shakes your entire being; He shows what it means to truly love, to truly feel. I couldn’t get past the conversation I had with Tom last Thursday night. Through discussing charity drives and stem cell research, to who should die when giving childbirth if you had to choose- the mom or the child. Tom said the mom. Matter of fact, without missing a beat. Of course he would. He has everything calculated, logically planned according to his brain, and influenced by many “smart good christians.” Something in my spirit didn’t feel right when I read those words he typed to me. “Emotionally save the wife, spiritually save the child.” What does that even mean? I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because honestly I didn’t know. The area is so gray and I would have to hear from God. I would probably choose the kid, but does that mean my husband should choose to let me die, as well? Something just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t so much him wanting to save the kid as it was the lack of feelings, emotions, and love I read in his robotic responses. He apologized for bringing up something so deep a month into our relationship but did say it was something I need to think about. Thanks, Tom.

I chose to move on and acted normal the next day; it was his birthday. We had a good time and a good Bible study. I sometimes wonder if we are on the same page or not. Our conversation about him choosing to kill me over the kid (he doesn’t like that wording but that is really what it is whether you want to be technical about it or not) weighed on me all weekend as I went to see my dad. Of course I talked about how great Tom was and all of his good qualities. Many of his actions I still do respect; his heart is another story. Tom and I didn’t talk about it any further. Yesterday (Monday) at work was awful. All I could think about was our conversation. How can I continue to joke, engage, and love (I didn’t use this word with Tom, but it is so easy for me to love and I know I loved him) someone and still think you may want to marry them when you don’t know if they are capable of loving? This is the greatest commandment and yet his love for his wife wasn’t mentioned once. I don’t get it.

So I had to say something. I always say something sooner or later. We went back and forth on messaging for hours. I know in person might have been better but I couldn’t wait. I also like to think about what he said and think about what I want to say. I never like to say anything in haste or full of fleshly emotions. I need time. Time to digest. Time to hear God. The conversation was not good. He was so set that he could not see nor understand where I was coming from. I felt as though he thought I was a horrible person because “what kind of person would kill their child?” and went as far to basically say I believe in late-term abortion. He accused me of being set in my ways just as much or more but my ways were I don’t know, it’s gray, and I would have to hear God. I don’t see what is wrong with that? He believes it is black and white and just the same as killing an innocent child out on the street. What?! I felt like I was talking to a wall. It was so draining. I’m scared. I don’t think this is something we can work through. You can’t make someone love. I’ve never really been in a situation like this. Someone so perfect yet so absent of feelings. Granted, I hope to never be in this situation but it showed me a lot about his character. As consistent and high as his morals and values are, without love, you are nothing. Dating allows you to see whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and it also affords you the freedom to break it off if not.

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Mom’s Advice & Dating

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mom and me 2

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mommies out there and a big special HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to mine. I decided to a post on mother’s advice because my mom has been so instrumental in helping me to become the woman I am today. And I can’t thank her enough. Although I am very fortunate enough to have her as a mother, I hope there is someone you can identify in your life that has been a strong role model for you that will help you to relate and realize how blessed you are. There are many reasons I love my mom and when it comes to dating, these are some of the reasons I trust her as much as I do.

She’s never been wrong. Yes, I hate to admit this one but it’s true. One thing I don’t think we realize or want to realize is that we are emotionally attached when we like someone and we will excuse that person’s behavior to no end. However, moms aren’t and they can see right through the smoke screen we fall under the spell of.

She understands. My mom has never acted like I was dumb for liking someone I shouldn’t. She always acknowledges that my feelings are real and they matter. She encourages me to get closure as long as she believes I am healthy enough to handle it. She knows me better than I know myself. And though I may make dumb decisions, she understands and helps me to work though it.

Her mistakes were mistakes I didn’t have to go through. I’ve never understood the mentality my peers had while growing up. I would hear the excuse “Well you drank, well you had sex, well you did ” when they would argue with their parents. This was done in hopes to justify their choices. I would hope that each generation improves as we are able to learn from our elders. My mom has always told me she wants a better life for me than she had for herself. It was never about keeping good things away from me but protecting me from the bad so I could have the best life possible. She has always been so open and honest about her life and because of that there are many mistakes I was fortunate enough to avoid. It is such a blessing not having to learn the hard way.

She loves me unconditionally. I think the one thing that trumps everything else and why I am able to trust my mom as I much as I do, is the fact I know she loves me unconditionally. When you feel that unconditional love, you feel so safe and secure that you can do anything. Without it, you are always on guard and are left to question motives. Because of my mom, I now know what unconditional love looks like and can only hope to love people the way she does.

I wouldn’t say my mom is a tough mom when it comes to potential boyfriends. She isn’t too concerned with money. She wants me to be attracted to him but looks aren’t that important. And while a fun personality is a plus, that won’t win her over either. No, my mom has and always will look for one thing- will this guy love my daughter the way Christ loved the church? And she knows. She’s unbelievably smart. And this is why I don’t bring many guys home to meet her. She’ll point out what I already know deep down. Thank you mom for teaching me self-respect- letting me know my value and worth. I love you so much! Oh, and good luck future suitors:p

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