Category Archives: single

5 reasons why I will still talk to your boyfriend

Posted on by

27165733830_c6c7151daf

And so begins another controversial topic. I need to choose my words carefully as to not sound like I am purposely trying to be a home wrecker. I believe in being loyal but it can be a very scary thing when we become too loyal to the wrong person. I don’t believe in cheating but I do believe in getting to know someone you like. So let me tell you why I will still talk to your boyfriend:

  • He’s a great guy. Obviously you are dating him because you see some great qualities. I see those too.
  • We have similar interests. Whether he is a co-worker, a school colleague, a church friend, or a political debater, our paths may have crossed because of similar interests. Maybe he’ll be a friend for a season, maybe for a lifetime.
  • We have similar morals/values. It’s hard to find people who appreciate my morals and values, much less agree with them. If he does, he is rare and I want him in my life.
  • We’ve got chemistry. Whether our personalities are the same or opposite, we just click. We laugh at the same corny jokes. He can keep up. We just have fun.
  • He’s not married. Sometimes people date out of comfort. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone’s told me they didn’t see themselves marrying the person they are currently dating.

We settle because we don’t find anything better. Dating is to see whether or not you want to marry that person. I don’t know why we are so afraid to talk to people in relationships or let our partner talk to others. I wish we could all be a little more open and less insecure. Maybe I’m too idealistic. Maybe I believe too much in trust and communication. But. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Whether he ends up with you. Whether he ends up with me. Whether he ends up with someone else. We’re all just trying to maneuver this same life while making the best choices possible. I guess I have faith and hope that someone will understand the prize I am and not want to be in a relationship with anyone but me. If he does, maybe we aren’t right for each other in the first place.

signature

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

photo credit: In conversation via photopin (license)

Today’s society doesn’t date… and 3 reasons why I kinda like it

Posted on by

9290950629_dcc02d1b9a

So many articles about how the dating culture has gone from a guy knocking on your door with flowers to Netflix and chill. Mostly girls complaining how they hate what dating has turned into. While I definitely don’t agree with the Netflix and chill hook-up culture, I don’t think I was too fond of the serious dates either. Because that is what they were whether we want to call them that or not. So much pressure. Trying to balance our desire to get dressed up and feel special versus actually falling in love with someone we admire, respect, and love. And we sit here complaining about guys running away but I completely understand why they do.

1. You don’t know yet if you even like the person. Why in the world would you date someone if you don’t know if you even like them?! So many people say that is what dating is for but I beg to differ. Dating is to get to know someone you already like on a deeper level to see if you want to marry them. I’d like to spend some time with someone before deciding whether or not I want to date them. I think the reason guys act like girls are crazy and clingy when they send too many texts or make it very clear they like them is because the guy doesn’t know yet if he likes the girl and that’s okay. So instead of risking hurting the girl or leading her on, he bails. Well that or he tells the girl he just wants to be friends and she freaks and feels rejected. Dating implies certain expectations of feelings. And if those feelings aren’t returned, we immediately refer to the guy as a jerk. So we choose to hang out. People act like this is a bad thing but I actually think it’s pretty genius.

2. You don’t have to be afraid to go out with other people. Loyalty is huge for me and dating implies a certain level of commitment. But I don’t want to be loyal to you if I don’t even know if I like you yet. We know it is frowned upon to date more than one person at a time. So in that case, it isn’t really fair to say you will date someone when you want to keep your options open in case someone better comes along. It sounds bad but is that so wrong? Because we don’t want to commit if we don’t know enough yet to commit.

3. It’s not as serious. People say this is where insecurities are born. But if a guy or girl is hanging out with you, they like you. Maybe as friends, maybe as more. Regardless, why can’t we just enjoy this time? I don’t want you to think I like you even though I kind of do because it might not be enough. And I might not show all my feelings because I need to work through them and I don’t want to give you false hope. And honestly, if you are too quick to say you have feelings, I can’t help but wonder if it’s me you like or the idea of me. This is why I would run. This is why guys run.

All this being said, if you like someone or think you might like someone, never be afraid to tell them. Open communication is the best but you have to know yourself before expecting someone else to fall for you. Don’t rush something just because you are in love with being in love. There is nothing wrong with feelings. But I’m afraid oftentimes these feelings we think we have are more about attraction and wanting to be in love than actual care for another person. So instead of stressing out, wanting to go on a real date, hangout with people and see who you like. But whatever you do, don’t blur the lines by bringing physical stuff into it. That’s when most of the problems occur.

signature

photo credit: Sunlight in my hair via photopin (license)

Why I won’t have sex even though I want to

Posted on by

5526644955_f53361bcf7

Sex is awesome. And I don’t have to experience it to know. God created sex and He desires for us to enjoy it- for more than simple procreation, although that is a wonderful benefit. It would be foolish to discredit these desires. We all have this legitimate, innate, intense desire but we have to ask ourselves if we are aiming it in the right direction. A misguided search for simple satisfaction can lead to our destruction.

Proverbs is full of scriptures related to the seductress. Do not kid yourself, the devil is alive and well, trying to steal a loving, satisfying, secure relationship from your life and replace it with the loneliness of the self-satisfaction, hook-up culture. And he will constantly look for opportunities for you to give yourself away to another person, outside the sanctity of marriage. It’s not that I hate sex; I just want to experience it to its fullest potential. Sex is meant to, is designed to, be enjoyed in the safety of a committed (marriage), loving relationship. The problem is the devil seeks to separate sex from love, commitment from intimacy. And it breaks my heart.

The message in society reads “commitment less sex with no consequences” while nothing could be further from the truth. We believe forbidden fruit tastes the best. 70 million dollars was made in ten months from 50 Shades of Grey. 70 million! So in turn we live in a society where we believe this is the norm. Where women make themselves available in order to feel any sense of love or wanting and men don’t even have to chase or pursue anymore. It’s a heartbreaking cycle.

And the sad truth is, if we don’t actively fight it, we will find ourselves in the middle of it. It’s just too strong. The longing to feel special, the low self-esteems, the desire to feel good in an instant gratification society. There are too many excuses and reasons to justify it today. And the consequences are silenced, hidden, and buried too deep.

24% of married men and 14% of married women have affairs. 1 in every 4 marriages, someone cheats. This is the leading cause of divorce. If you don’t honor and value the sanctity of sex within the confines of marriage before you are married, what makes you think you will understand its role and place once you are? I have several friends who are loyal and think it’s okay prior as long as you are in a committed relationship but it’s not good enough. It’s not going to sustain you when you’re alone on a business trip with the perfect opportunity. It’s not going to sustain you when you’ve had a huge fight with your spouse and they leave and you think you are justified. It just won’t. Because you have already blurred the lines and compromised where you know you shouldn’t have. I wish I could put into words the peace and security- the foundation that is made when following Christ. I tell you, it makes decisions a lot easier and the regrets a lot less.

So I wait. Even though it’s hard, I wait. Because I know it’s worth it. I have these truths engraved in my head and in my heart, I have to. Because temptation is great sometimes but I know.

I know that desire I have to be a Victoria Secret model is meant for my husband to enjoy, not for the world to see.

I know no one needs to really “drive it before you buy it” when it comes to sex. I have the rest of my life to enjoy it and figure it out with the man I love. Besides, would I really want a relationship that’s dependent on my sexual performance?

I know when he says I don’t know his needs or that he wants to know I love him, that he really doesn’t care about me.

I know if I start to feel pressured sexually, that he isn’t the one for me. Because he doesn’t respect me and he doesn’t fear God or His words. And that’s not the man I want in 10 years.

I know I want someone who wants me but has the power and the ability to restrain himself until he can look at my parents and say he wants me and is putting commitment down, money down, everything down. That’s the man I can trust. That’s the man that will be able to restrain himself if times get hard.

I want to say for those who have already given it away, there is still hope. The beauty of our loving God is that He is the author of second chances. The book of Hosea is one of my favorites and shows that no matter our history, God can give us a clean slate when we give it to Him.

signature

*Notes and statistics taken from Ben Stuart’s Wisdom & Sex podcast

photo credit: Peace via photopin (license)

4 signs he has no intentions of marrying you

Posted on by

24148628510_92987a1da9

One of my friends recently updated her profile picture. It was a picture of herself… Alone. Without Steven. Where was the picture of her and him? They have been in a relationship for 8 years!!! I decide to creep; I click on her profile to see no existence of Steven. No sign of their relationship. How do you erase 8 years of your life like that?! Maybe you can on social media but it’s much harder to erase them from your heart. I have a love/hate relationship with these scenarios; part of me is like “aha, I was right” because I somehow can see these things coming but then the harsh reality sets in and I’m extremely sad. Heartbreak is never something to be happy about. I normally brush these off and move forward but this is like the 5th relationship I’ve seen severed within the past month! I can’t help but wonder if I’m the only one that sees this. I wonder if these girls see the warning signs but choose to look the other way. I know I’ve done that. Emotional attachment is one of the strongest forces I’ve felt. I hope you’ll keep this post around when you are in a relationship. Not as 100% factual but as something to consider when you are struggling with a current relationship, current feelings.

  1. You aren’t visible. When I’m with him, I don’t see you. And this is manifested in several different ways. He doesn’t really talk about you. It’s hard to know whether or not he is even in a relationship. He doesn’t do his best to include you in his events. Social media has made this a little difficult, as well, because some people are more private with their relationship than others. But I’ll be honest, I don’t normally post much about a guy unless I’m ready to commit. You want someone who is proud of you. Someone who wants to show you off. Be sure you don’t make excuses for him.
  2. Marriage talk is taboo. He doesn’t like it when you mention marriage and insists on just enjoying the moment now. He doesn’t like to commit to any long term plans. Moving in together is not a step in the right direction either. One of my friends was ecstatic that she and her boyfriend were finally moving in together after ten years- she thought it was a step in the right direction but he was only trying to appease her a little longer which leads to the third sign…
  3. He appeases you. He will get creative to keep you calm. I like to call these “shut up” gifts; things to keep you quiet for awhile. He is basically going through the motions but his heart isn’t really in it. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and he likes you, but just not enough. You want a guy who will think about you constantly and buy you things and do things for you simply because he wants to. Because he knows how happy it’ll make you.
  4. He is easily distracted. Basically, he is interested in other people. You have to be on the lookout for this one. I remember being out one night with a group of friends and I started talking to this one guy who seemed rather flirty. I realized he had a girlfriend when she walked over! There is a fine line between being friendly and outgoing versus being flirty and interested in others.

These signs aren’t rocket science but it takes a lot for a man not to string a woman a long and a woman to know when to let go.

signature

photo credit: Snowy little Heart via photopin (license)

February Fakes: Why I’d date an atheist over a “Christian” pt. 4 Charlie

Posted on by

I expected this behavior from non-believers, I didn’t expect it from those that put the Christian label on their lives.

You flat out lied. Your life was a lie. How could I trust you? I gave you so many chances to come clean. I believed you. I chose to believe you. I wanted to believe you. The lies finally caught up with you and you couldn’t get out. That was when I had to walk away. I wish I could have sooner.

We had so many good discussions. Your personality drew me in. No one could make me laugh like you could. You grew up in a Christian home. Those are the ones that scare me most, I think. How do you know if someone is really saved or has just learned to act the part so well? Is it just part of his culture now and the only thing he knows? I don’t know. But I know it’s what kept me holding on for so long. I appreciated being able to talk to you in ways I couldn’t anyone else. You knew the church lingo, but did you know God? I wish I could describe it but some of the words that came out of your mouth, some of the stories you’d tell me didn’t sit well with me. Okay, actually they flat out hurt me. They took away my innocence. Did Christians really talk like this? Was it okay to joke like this? I was so naïve. But I really should have known better.

I think what bothered me most with you is that I felt you tried to hurt others too. Not physically but spiritually. Slowly defiling others to things of the world. Slowly desensitizing them to evil. You masked it so well though. You were sneaky. And you were good. I found a reason to justify every uncomfortable thing you did. But I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve experienced a lot that has bothered me and it’s easy to start questioning whether I’m just too picky. But it’s okay if there have been things that have bothered you too. I knew this series would be controversial and I knew some people wouldn’t like it. I want to be very clear here- I didn’t write these things to hurt anyone but I think it’s extremely scary (not to mention sad) when we stop addressing things that need to be said in fear of hurting someone’s feelings. I think deep down we all know the best friends we have are the ones that are honest with us the most. And that’s my goal with this blog- to be honest with you guys. To let you know it’s okay to question others. Because for so long I questioned myself instead. And I think we need to acknowledge that if we have the Holy Spirit, part of the benefits of having Him is recognizing Him in others. It’s not judging; it’s being aware. And when you don’t see Him in the one you’re dating, you already have your sign. So many times I held on with hope, when I should have just walked away.

Lastly, I want to clarify something. I would never date an atheist. I know in my Spirit I could never do it and it would never work. And that’s why the title of this past series was so powerful to me and struck some nerves in others. As much as I’d never see myself with an atheist, I could never be with any of the guys mentioned this past month. Because they’re not just living in sin- they are living in sin while claiming to be holy. How do you convince someone they are missing something they already think they have?

Read the entire series here: Intro Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

signature

February Fakes: Why I’d date an atheist over a “Christian” pt. 3 Gary

Posted on by

February Fakes

I think I’ve realized there are two types of people: people that try to convince everyone (including themselves) that they are a certain type of person and then there are those people who just live. They don’t have time to be fake, they don’t have time to cookie cut a canned response. And they don’t want to. They feel. They live. Can we all just be? Apparently not.

Oh Gary, if only you knew how excited I was when you reached out to me with a desire to get to know me. I had hope, lots of hope for you and I. We had similar lives, similar morals, similar values. On top of all that we both had drive, passion, determination, and incorporated God into all aspects of our lives. I had so much respect for you- for who I thought you were. It was very rare for me to meet someone like you. Either I meet someone not so passionate about God but passionate about life or I meet someone passionate about God but without much ambition. You almost seemed too good to be true… oh wait.

Our earlier conversations were great but they were moving rather quickly- then you pulled back so I pulled back. I think we were both scared and rightfully so. You said you had been hurt before and so had I- we both didn’t want that to happen again. Things progressively got worse though.

I wish I could remember some of the things you said to me after that but I don’t think that’s as important as how you made me feel. The quote from Maya Angelou became so real in these moments- “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” It wasn’t what you said that bothered me- it was what you didn’t say that spoke volumes. It was like I couldn’t have a real conversation with you. I guess I didn’t want to see it at first but all of your responses were so fake. There was no depth to you. Your standard responses made me want to vomit. My desire for care was met with coldness. And I’m not talking about the coldness I’ve received before when getting the “cold shoulder.” I’m talking about a coldness you have no control over. I can’t really fault you for this because I know people can’t make themselves love. Sure, you can do nice things but you can’t actually love. Love is something you have no control over either.

This was a sad realization. It was like the person you said you were- the person you said you wanted to be and the person you actually were didn’t match up. You said you wanted a certain type of girl but you chased after another. I guess this could be the equivalent when women say they want a nice guy and then go out with the jerk. I don’t know. You know those people that say they will pray for you but don’t offer any help? Yea, that’s Gary.

You are the reason people shy away from Christianity. People expect Christians to be different but you’re not. You add on the prayer hands emoji, thank God for your accomplishments but that’s about it. We never really ended things- I think we both just knew. I wasn’t what you were looking for and you weren’t what I was looking for. But I think you’ve found what you’ve desired from the beginning. Someone famous, someone pretty, someone a little more “experienced”. That’s it. I thought you had desired more but I was wrong. I sincerely hope your praise Jesus hands become something more than an emoji on your phone someday.

Read previous posts in this series here: Intro, Part 1, Part 2

signature

 

 

3 reasons to keep your options open

Posted on by

15265441036_ce3722f3ce

This almost seems like the antithesis of one of my most valued characteristics: loyalty. But that is precisely what I’m saying. I think somewhere along the way we started to blend liking someone, dating, and marriage. Having all of our eggs in one basket, not open to anyone else. Now I know what you might be thinking- what is so wrong with that? Well, here’s my theory of why you should keep your options open:

So you can be yourself

I had recently started talking to someone and I caught myself filtering what I was saying. Like how can I make this not sound like I’m arrogant? I was wondering if what I would say would align with his beliefs. But I was glad I caught myself because I stopped to think about why I was doing that. I realized this was a guy I was interested in, who also liked me, and I didn’t want to mess that up- as if being myself could mess that up. It was then that I told myself there were a couple other guys I was interested in and if for some reason this guy decided not to like me anymore it was okay. I know it can be easier said than done because nobody is fond of rejection. But I wonder if I would have had enough strength to be myself and not care as much if I didn’t have other options.

So you can be honest about what you really want

Do we really want someone we can’t be ourselves around? No. While it may help me keep the guy temporarily, it’s not what I’m looking for long term. The problem with closing yourself off to others is you start settling on things that were important because you think it’s your only option.

“I’m just happy he is going to church with me, it’s okay he isn’t a spiritual leader.”

“She is always rude to people, but she treats me well most of the time.”

“He doesn’t like it if I go out with my friends, but that’s just because he wants to spend time with me.”

“She puts me down in front of others, but I know she doesn’t mean it.”

Do you see what ends up happening here? Of course there will be compromises in any relationship but you should never compromise on major, important things simply because you have no other option.

So you don’t end up with the wrong person

Some people don’t believe you can end up with the wrong person but I do. I’ve seen the impact family members, co-workers, friends make on another person’s life. How much more so a spouse? You have to remember that talking, dating, even engaged are all stages leading up to see if you are ready to make that commitment to one person. You are not married yet. It shouldn’t be scary to think about spending the rest of your life with someone; the thought of spending the rest of your life with them should make you the happiest you’ve ever been.

If you allow yourself to keep your options open, you are more apt to be yourself and keep your priorities straight. It will either allow you to see you’re with someone you shouldn’t be or solidify the relationship to a deeper level, allowing you to appreciate them even more. I firmly believe that we took this approach we’d see a lot less fake people settling only to end up in a divorce and more relationships ending in happily ever after.

signature

photo credit: Couples at Watermouth via photopin (license)

I was afraid to break up with you

Posted on by

2942532114_2e97336e8d

I have yet to meet someone who has enjoyed breaking up with someone. Sometimes someone may feel a sense of relief but the act itself is never fun. Someone always gets hurt. The only way to avoid this is to never date. But we all still date, risks known. Whether we choose to acknowledge or deny those risks is up to us.

I was afraid to break up with you for you. I didn’t know if you could handle it. You had been through a lot and I knew you had let your guard down with me. I didn’t want you to regret that. Our relationship was your life. What would you do if I left? I honestly didn’t know if you were stable enough without me. This is hard to write. I didn’t know it had gotten this far. The same thing that attracted me to you was the same thing that is pulling me away. I can’t mean that much to you. It’s too much pressure. Aside from wondering what will happen to you, I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. While I still think you’re a great guy, it’s possible to be a great guy and just not right for me, right?

I was afraid to break up with you for others. We say do what’s best for you but we all know others are always affected by our actions -by our decisions. It’s never just your life. Our families- so intertwined. So much pressure, so many expectations. What would they think if I broke it off? Could I still be friends with your family? They’ve treated me like I was their own. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want them to think I was just using you. I don’t want them to think I don’t love you. Because I do love you. I’m just not in love with you.

I was afraid to break up with you for myself. You had become my life. I don’t know if I could do this on my own. I was so scared. What if I don’t find someone better? Who would I talk to if I needed to vent? Who would celebrate with me when I’d graduate? I was so afraid to be alone. Is it bad to say I was afraid you’d hurt me for hurting you? How did it get this far? I was afraid to be with you and afraid to be without you at the same time. This is all too much.

And then I learned the best thing for everyone- you, me, our friends, our families was to break it off. I’ve known all along. Because it’s not fair to you, not fair to me, not fair to our loved ones for me to continue to live a lie. As hard as it is now to be alone, it’s harder being with someone I know isn’t right for me. I’ll have to learn to live without you again. But I can. Sometimes we have to take one step back to take two steps forward.

signature

photo credit: Waiting via photopin (license)

The unrealistic realism of Christmas movies

Posted on by

15824866659_cc2b04fbb7

I think there is a reason we are attracted to these sappy Christmas movies. They are full of goodness, happiness, and love. It wasn’t until I was talking with my friend who shares the same unhealthy movie obsession as I do that I realized how unrealistic they appear to be. I mean who meets, falls in love, and gets married all in the same month?! But you get caught up in it and don’t realize it’s crazy because so much of the story makes sense. So here’s six lessons I’ve learned from these time stealers.

1. Be with someone who brings out the best in you

Oftentimes in these movies, the girl or guy is already in a relationship. They are good relationships. Comfortable relationships. Good partnerships. Relationships that make sense on paper. But then they meet someone who makes them feel alive. Something more. Being around this new guy or girl has a way of bringing out the best in them. Loving life. Being a better person. Doing what they love. Wait for this.

2. Be with someone who falls in love with who you are, not what you are

I always love when you start to see the guy fall for the girl but then it is solidified when the girl shows up to some event dressed up. The guy is just in awe as she lights up the room. Nothing else matters. She’s stunning not necessarily because of her looks but because it finally hits him that all of these feelings he’s been having for her are something more than a friendship. It wasn’t the looks that attracted him to her, but her looks are now a bonus. Wait for this.

3. There has to be something more important than the relationship

What I love about these movies is that love has a way of finding them rather than the person out on the hunt looking for it. Or they are looking for it, but it ends up being someone completely different. The point being, they are able to be their true selves around this person because they aren’t all caught up with thinking this might be “the one.” They are focusing on making a difference, helping their family, or pursuing their dreams. They are willing to sacrifice their own happiness for something greater. God can only fill that hole and these people are already whole. The new relationship complements their life rather than completing it. Wait for this.

4. Notice the little things

Everything starts to remind him of this girl. The way she is making him feel alive again- bringing out the best in him. The guy could be in a bad mood and all upset but she always makes him feel better. She makes him laugh. He makes her feel like she can do anything. They remember little things about each other. They care. And it shows in their actions. Wait for this.

5. You might have to fight for love

 There always seems to be something (or someone) that almost ruins this new love. An old flame. Miscommunication. Jealousy. It’s so easy for us to just want to give up sometimes. To think it may have just been too good to be true. We tend to want easy. As if easy equates to perfect. But it doesn’t have to be easy for it to be right. Talk. Clarify. Engage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let my head wander because someone didn’t text back. Because someone was going away for the weekend. It’s almost like we are scared to send a double text. We are scared to be the one who cares more. But the right one is worth fighting for. Wait for this.

6. When you know, you’ll know

“How did you know Claire was the right one?” “I just knew. And you already know.” I remember this quote from one of the ones that had me crying the whole time. It was a young man torn between his childhood sweetheart who was the only girl he’d known and this new girl he met that made him feel alive. One was safe. The other was unknown. But she was worth the risk. He knew he loved her and loved who he was around her. He loved the type of person she was. Just like something in us already knows someone isn’t right for us but we try to make it work anyway, I think something in us will know when we’ve met the right one. Wait for this.

signature

photo credit: Christmas Confections via photopin (license)

Single but not alone

Posted on by

9916669806_8255917916

I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile now but life has a way of creeping in and stealing ALL my motivation. However, I think this weekend is the perfect time to get these feelings out. Around this same time last year, I wrote a post entitled “4 months, 4 holidays, 4 ever alone” It’s funny how things can change over the course of a year. I remember thinking last year how crappy it is to be alone during four of my favorite holidays, two of which are very romantic, in my opinion. I was also sick last year during Thanksgiving so it’s possible that contributed to my sulking, as well:p.

I feel like God has been ridding me of anyone and anything lately. I’m not the type of girl who always has to be in a relationship but I am the type who always has to have a potential. A prospect. Someone that could be “the one.” This year is different though. I wish I could put into words how I feel. For the first time, in a long time, there is no one. And it’s a strange feeling. I keep getting these reminders, these quotes, these scriptures. Reminders there is something bigger than my future husband. It seems so silly when you write it or say it out loud. But isn’t that how we live? Pinterest boards. “Dear future husband” letters. Going out. Staying in. Dating sites. If we were honest with ourselves, if we took a good long look at our lives, I think we’d be surprised how much of our time, how much of our lives are centered around a person we have yet to meet.

It’s funny how we hold onto to the hope of at least one. Because then our hope is justified. At least there is a possibility. I’ve lived a majority of my life like that. “Well, if it really comes down to it, I could always marry <insert name-of-guy-who-has-been-friend-zoned here>.” Why do we do that? Because the unknown is terrifying. We like to plan, we want to feel we are in control of our lives. So we make up stories in our heads to comfort ourselves. Sounds crazy when you write it down but it’s scary how true it is.

But this year, I have no one. No one as a back-up. No guy I could make it work with. No guy worth settling for. I’ve let go of them all. I don’t think my circumstances have changed too much. I think I’m just better at accepting reality. Actually not just accepting but embracing reality. Coming to terms with what I really want and desire most. I’ve seen a lot of relationships and marriages that have made me appreciate my singleness more. I think all too often we take our singleness for granted, as if its sole goal is to search for someone. But this time has allowed me to grow closer in my relationship with God. I’m reminded of when Paul is talking to the Corinthians about having an undivided heart. And I now understand. There is such a peace and freedom just in having Christ. I never feel “alone.” God’s love has filled me in ways I can’t begin to describe.

Sometimes I miss the good morning and good night texts. I miss knowing there is a guy thinking about me. I miss not having a date to certain functions. Instead I get awkward conversations. I’ve gotten everything from the “don’t worry, he’s out there” to “enjoy it” with the look of ‘I’m miserable in my marriage so please enjoy your singleness for the both of us.’ So many people say singleness is a gift but it doesn’t feel that way when you desire to be loved and have kids. I know it’s hard at times. And sometimes you start to lose faith, start to lose hope because you can’t see. You can’t see your future with anyone you know. So it freaks you out. You start to doubt and start to wonder if you’ll be forever alone. But do you know what hope and faith mean? They reach beyond what we can see and they trust. They trust God. And it is in those moments I’m reminded of the things I love. Things that make me not miss it all. Do I still hope to someday get married? Absolutely. But hope is not hope if you have a plan of how to make it happen. Hope is waiting for the unseen, the unknown, with excitement because you know that whatever God has planned for you is far greater than you could ever plan for yourself. Hope is letting go and trusting in something greater than you. There is no need to justify being single because while you may be single, you are certainly not alone.

photo credit: ‘Letting Go’, United States, New York, Montauk via photopin (license)