Tag Archives: true love waits

So I’ve been talking to a lot of guys lately…

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. You can say I’ve been “researching” for new topics haha okay that is partly true. I thought my life would settle down somewhat but apparently it’s picked up even more. Knowing me, this is not surprising. I think I’m playing catch up from giving up guys for lent. Seriously. I thought I’ve met every guy and then all of these guys come out of no where. It’s been good. Or interesting. And definitely time-consuming which I am not really a fan of but somewhat needed.

I’ve learned a few things recently that I want to share with you. And I honestly wish there were stronger words I could use to stress these points but I don’t think they’ve been discovered yet. Maybe I’ll add that to my list;)

There is someone great out there for you and they can come at any time. You all have heard my rants about online dating, which I will write about my personal experiences at some point. Still not sold on the whole idea. Mainly because love is not something to be controlled. It just is. And I think part of the beauty of it is just watching and letting it happen, outside of your control. It amazes me and leaves me in awe sometimes. Am I saying sit at home all day and do nothing? Absolutely not! But get out there and enjoy life and allow, yes allow, God to do His thing as you do what He has called you to do. Sometimes we really need to let go and let God.

Keep dating and don’t feel bad about it. If you are anything like me, you tend to focus on the guy (or girl) you like the most and give it your all. That’s the loyalty in you. But you are dating, not married. And that is a very scary thing to do because you close yourself off without fully knowing someone simply because you are excited and infatuated. Keep getting to know people- it’s how you discover what you like, what you don’t, what you respect and what love about others. It allows you to remain somewhat objective rather than making excuses for the wrong one.

Don’t rush. Enjoy each day and the fun and excitement it brings. “I just went on an awesome second date with Jason and he is amazing. I wonder what our babies would look like?!” Sounds ridiculous, right?! Yet, these are the kinds of things that run through our heads. Which is fine but don’t act upon them! Don’t give your heart away too soon. If they are the right one, they will still be there as you continue down this journey. Love is something to be embraced, not rushed. Sidenote, if it doesn’t end up working out, you typically leave on better terms this way.

The heart is what matters most. It’s easy to say people care about money, looks, job, insert whatever you want but really it’s the heart. Sometimes those outward things reveal the heart, sometimes they don’t. But get to know people, like really get to know them. If I’ve learned anything, there is nothing more attractive than a good and loving heart. You can’t fake that and it’s irreplaceable.

Back to “researching” and hope to keep you all posted sooner than later:p

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And this is why you date

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This is what Regina said to me at work today. It’s still hard to wrap my brain around, so fresh, so new, and I’m still hurting. I’m crying as I type this; I never used to cry when I was younger, but I guess that is what God does to you. He shakes your entire being; He shows what it means to truly love, to truly feel. I couldn’t get past the conversation I had with Tom last Thursday night. Through discussing charity drives and stem cell research, to who should die when giving childbirth if you had to choose- the mom or the child. Tom said the mom. Matter of fact, without missing a beat. Of course he would. He has everything calculated, logically planned according to his brain, and influenced by many “smart good christians.” Something in my spirit didn’t feel right when I read those words he typed to me. “Emotionally save the wife, spiritually save the child.” What does that even mean? I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because honestly I didn’t know. The area is so gray and I would have to hear from God. I would probably choose the kid, but does that mean my husband should choose to let me die, as well? Something just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t so much him wanting to save the kid as it was the lack of feelings, emotions, and love I read in his robotic responses. He apologized for bringing up something so deep a month into our relationship but did say it was something I need to think about. Thanks, Tom.

I chose to move on and acted normal the next day; it was his birthday. We had a good time and a good Bible study. I sometimes wonder if we are on the same page or not. Our conversation about him choosing to kill me over the kid (he doesn’t like that wording but that is really what it is whether you want to be technical about it or not) weighed on me all weekend as I went to see my dad. Of course I talked about how great Tom was and all of his good qualities. Many of his actions I still do respect; his heart is another story. Tom and I didn’t talk about it any further. Yesterday (Monday) at work was awful. All I could think about was our conversation. How can I continue to joke, engage, and love (I didn’t use this word with Tom, but it is so easy for me to love and I know I loved him) someone and still think you may want to marry them when you don’t know if they are capable of loving? This is the greatest commandment and yet his love for his wife wasn’t mentioned once. I don’t get it.

So I had to say something. I always say something sooner or later. We went back and forth on messaging for hours. I know in person might have been better but I couldn’t wait. I also like to think about what he said and think about what I want to say. I never like to say anything in haste or full of fleshly emotions. I need time. Time to digest. Time to hear God. The conversation was not good. He was so set that he could not see nor understand where I was coming from. I felt as though he thought I was a horrible person because “what kind of person would kill their child?” and went as far to basically say I believe in late-term abortion. He accused me of being set in my ways just as much or more but my ways were I don’t know, it’s gray, and I would have to hear God. I don’t see what is wrong with that? He believes it is black and white and just the same as killing an innocent child out on the street. What?! I felt like I was talking to a wall. It was so draining. I’m scared. I don’t think this is something we can work through. You can’t make someone love. I’ve never really been in a situation like this. Someone so perfect yet so absent of feelings. Granted, I hope to never be in this situation but it showed me a lot about his character. As consistent and high as his morals and values are, without love, you are nothing. Dating allows you to see whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and it also affords you the freedom to break it off if not.

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To the girl who regrets waiting until marriage for sex

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There is an article going around about a woman who waited until her wedding night to lose her virginity and how she wished didn’t. If you are interested in reading it, it can be found here. One of my friends sent it to me and as I was thinking about my thoughts regarding it, I decided to make them into a blog post as a means to hopefully clarify what I believe went wrong.

I first want to start off by saying her sex life sounded awful. It breaks my heart and is certainly not how God intended it. Sex is a great thing. God created it and it is talked about and encouraged in the Bible several times. To me, it represents a whole new level of intimacy that I hope to share with the man I love as I get to be vulnerable and allow him to love me on a deeper level as well. I look forward to this day. It is beautiful and wonderful… IF you have a proper understanding of why God designed sex and if shared with the right person. And therein lies the problem. Her problems started before her wedding. Her problems began before she even met her husband. They started when she was a kid.

  1. Samantha stated that she decided to save herself for marriage because she believed that true love waits. Why? What does that even mean? How is it true love if you wait and not if you don’t? My feeling is that she didn’t know the answers to these questions. There are so many benefits to waiting until marriage to have sex and there are no cons if you truly marry the one God has for you. It is so easy to bring additional problems into the marriage and then blame God’s rules for them. One of my favorite pastors, Andy Stanley, once said there are no such things as marriage problems, just single people problems that get brought into the marriage and I couldn’t agree more. If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that God wants what is best for us more than anyone in this world could ever want. He would not withhold anything good from us. And just because we may not understand exactly why at the time, if we have a true relationship with Jesus, He will show us why. Sometimes I’m okay with just trusting God because I know He loves me, other times I ask Him to show me things and I actually put some effort into finding the answers and He does show me.
  2. 10 years old. She made a big deal about how she was too young to make the pledge at that age. I don’t think this is too young given our culture today. Maybe it was too young for her though and the proper age may be different given your specific environment. I doubt this had much effect, however.
  3. What her church taught was a lie. What scriptures did they use? Sex is for married people and it is sinful and dirty outside of marriage. You should want to remain pure for your husband, but because you love him not just because you don’t want to go to hell. I’m sorry but if you do or don’t do anything because you don’t want to go to hell, that is really selfish and not about love at all. And God’s number one commandment is love. There was no love in her church or interpretation of it. And just to be clear, the responsibility to remain pure is the same for both women and men. I have nooo idea where her church got the idea that men weren’t held to the same standard. This sounds more like a legalistic cult rather than a loving church.
  4. Your virginity should never be your identity but an action that follows as a result of who you are and what your identity really is in Christ. Samantha noted that it did become her identity and that was another problem. No wonder she couldn’t enjoy sex. If you lose what you are dependent on for your identity of course nothing good is going to come as a result. My life would be over if I lost Christ. He defines me. I would be lost without Him. But it’s Him that defines me, never my virginity.
  5. Why the heck would she feel dirty, wrong, or sinful having sex with her husband?! It sounds like she was taught that sex in general was bad and it’s not. It’s great. And it’s best when shared with the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with and make that commitment. You should only ever feel that way if you give away part of yourself to the wrong person. I can’t wait to have sex and it will be enjoyable (after the initial pain;) with the right person- awful with the wrong one because you do give away a part of yourself and it’s extremely scary if it’s not the right person. It also sounds like she didn’t trust her husband enough to be open with him during this. I would never marry someone I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to about these things. There were definitely some communication issues. This would not have been solved by having sex a bunch prior to marriage. I will say sometimes people rush marriage because they are waiting until marriage for sex, as well. This is never good either. I don’t know what their motive for getting married was, but sometimes lust is the main reason. That will never end well if that’s the case.
  6. She had religion but not a relationship. Her view of God was so incredibly wrong. I cannot stress this enough- you do not remain pure because you don’t want to go to hell or want God to bless your marriage! These were her reasons mentioned. You do it because you love God and you love your future spouse. Am I the only one that sees this? I don’t do nice things because I don’t want to be treated badly by people; I do them because I love and care about people. When you truly move from following a set of rules and guidelines and start developing a loving relationship with Christ, your whole life changes and that’s why they call it being born again.

This article truly broke my heart because she was not able to fully enjoy sex, or make love as I prefer to call it, because she was never really shown what Christ’s love was all about. Please don’t forget that just because someone goes to church or says they are a Christian doesn’t mean they really are. It goes much deeper than that. I truly hope she realizes one day that her problem wasn’t the fact that she didn’t sleep around before marriage, but that she never had a proper relationship with Christ of knowing how much He truly loves her.

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photo credit: Georgie Pauwels via photopin cc