Consistency: Faith & Family- My 2019 Commitments. That was the original title of this blog post when I started writing it in the middle of December. I was so excited I had discovered my word early and happy with how crisp and clear my goal list was becoming.

And then something happened.

The last few days in December were spent going to church. Actually multiple churches. More than usual. I was on vacation and I found myself visiting churches I’ve never been to and spent some time just enjoying God and His presence. Sometimes I get so busy. Sometimes my checklist rules me rather than me ruling the list.

Rather than me enjoying my list.
Rather than me enjoying God.

I am such a control freak. I feel like I can fix anything. And I try. I’m a huge fan of “You do your best and God will do the rest.” The problem is, more often than not, my actions show “You do your best and God will allow you to do the rest.” As if I am in charge of it. Fixing it. Solving it. I do my best and it’s done. It’s hard for me to do my best and wait. Extremely hard. But I think that is where God is teaching me, leading me lately. To understand, more fully, that I don’t have to do it all. In fact, God doesn’t want me to feel I have to either. He wants to do it. He wants me to watch and see.

Release.

I never use this word in my vocabulary. I had to make sure I even remembered how to spell it correctly. But it became so crystal clear. Stop focusing on doing. Focus on stopping.

Release.
Give it to God.
Relax.
Stop.
Let go.
Be open.
Simply enjoy His presence.
Release.

It was like a ton of bricks had already been lifted. It’s not that my passions are wrong. It’s that my methods on how to get there just needed some tweaking. I needed to remember my place. My position. My role.

I’m not someone fighting on my own. I am the daughter of the King. I have Someone that goes before me, Someone that clears the path and fights on my behalf.

I wanted to be more consistent in my quiet time. My commitments. Spend more time with God. Less time in the world. But I’ve realized many of my goals, my previous words for the year, are all by-products of letting go and letting God lead. My job is rather simple. As I spend time with Him, He directs my path, my actions, my words, my time. And that’s all I really want in life.